A Miracle In Statistics

I can't believe this is happening. I feel as if I'm going to scream any time soon. Some of you might be dying to hear the story, so I'm gonna tell you. :)

I was in class today and my stats professor comes up to me and tells me that he would like to speak to me after class. I'm freakin out right now. I'm thinking that I've done something wrong or something is wrong in general. I have no idea. Finally the end of class rolls around and I go and talk with him. When I'm talking with him, I am so nervous. I feel as if I'm a kid again being sent to the principle's office. He says that he has looked at my file and thinks that there might be something special there. I'm wondering what the hell he is talking about. He then goes into greater detail. He asks me if I'm interested in going to graduate school. (For those that don't know, to do anything productive and pertaining to psychology, you have to at least get your masters degree.) I reply in a very hasty yes. He then turns to me and then says that he is impressed that I am a math minor. He then advises me that I might want to do a math major with a psych minor. The only thing is that I'm not sure if the college will allow me to do so. Also, I'm afraid that I will be here at UNF longer than I planned on being here. Then I think to myself, why is he asking all these questions. Turns out that this guy is a recruiter for NYU. Thats right kids. New York University. In the very heart of the Big Apple. Once I heard this my heart started to beat like a rabbit running through the forest. So, he tells me that he is going to talk with his buddies from up there and is going to see what he can do. I know that I'm not going to grad school for another two years, but it is good to prepare. If I have any problems, with the dean or with getting into grad school, he said he would be willing to help in any way he could. What a great guy.

I'm scared as ever, but how great is that? I'm going to be the first person in my family to go into graduate school! Thats a pretty big accomplishment. NYU would be a great school to go to, but I'm also looking at the University of Houston along with some others. If you have any suggestions, please, leave me a note.

I thought this was funny. And appropriate in a way. :)

Movie Review and Life Application

Alright. Movie review time. So, as some of you readers know, I work at a movie theater to try and work my way through college. A perk to my job is that I get to see free movies. The other day I went and saw All About Steve. Pretty good movie actually. I loved the underlying message. I don't want to give it away, but here is the jist. There's this girl Mary who is a crossword puzzle maker for a local newspaper. She gets set up with this guy and then follows him partly on foot, then with her friends in an old Gremlin. :) Eventually they meet up and stuff happens and...well, you can figure out the rest if you want to.

But, what I really got out of this is the importance of words. It has dimished in our society a bit, but to a good extent, we still focus on the importance of words. This movie reminded me of my freshmen semester where I took Art of Communication. As you probably guessed, it was all about the importance of words and the way that our society reacts to communication of all kinds, particuarly the verbal kind. Anyways, back to the movie. So, pretty much Mary's whole life is words. In the end, she notices that words take a toll. They can make you sad, annoyed, pissed, happy, stressed, even maybe fall in love. It can bring you up, take you down or maybe even get you a promotion.

I never really thought about the importance of words before. It was simply a means of communication for a long time. I love the fact that whatever noise that comes out of my mouth is premeditated and brings something with it. It could be meaning or showing an attiutude or entertaining. (thank you english majors) But seriously. Think about it. We say words everyday and they always have different meanings associated with them. But think about this. Who gave these words power in the first place? Who made it horrible to curse? Who gave certain words power or no power at all? Just something to think about.

If you want to learn more about this, let me know. I have books all about this subject.

David Bohm's On Dialogue.

Farb's Word Play.

Overall rating: 3 stars

I think this is one of my roughest weeks to date. Everything has popped up. I have three tests, two quizzes and a paper due this week. The only thing I'm excited about is about the end of the week. But, on a good note, I got rid of a paper, a quiz and a test today. Being the dorky person that I am, I did something kinda weird. On my cognitive psych test, I could not remember for the life of me anything to do with Thorndike. So, being the complete geek that I am, I did a calculus problem on the back of my test. (The volume of a rotating shape to be exact.) I can just imagine what my professor is going to say.

On another note, much more sadder than before, I've been feeling really crappy. I'm pretty sure I let another great thing in my life go. Twice in my life I have experienced love. Twice in my life I have pushed it out of my life. They might have been for good reasons, but I still regret these decisions in a way. I wish that I could fix some of these things. But I need to go on. I have to be strong. I don't need a man always beside me. I have one. Granted he doesn't walk with me or talk audioably, but he is always with me. It might just be me. I mean, I'm not exactly one that welcomes love into my life with open arms. I'm always just considered one of the guys. I'm never the girl they want to date. And whynot? Why can't I be that girl that you can sit down and watch the game with? Why can't I be the girl that helps you work on your hidden Chevelle that is sitting in your garage? (sorry, its just the way I was raised) Why can't I be the one that sits by your side when you go fishing for hours? I'm that girl to begin with. Why can't I find a guy that appreciates me for me and will respect me for that?

I would love to find someone like that. I'm sorry if I hurt anyone's feelings by posting this, but it is simply the way the cookie crumbles. I would like to make it work. I have been around some amazing guys (single, yes) that I would love to date. The thing is that they are either gay, taken or oblivious to the fact that I have an interest in them. Good job guys. In their defense, I am quite a complicated girl. Because I have been raised primarily by a man, I am much like a guy. I have more guy friends than girls. (most times because I can't take the drama) I like to do "guy" stuff.

A break from that crap. I've been learning a lot more about life due to my psych classes. I love how people are defining things. I love how my professors talk about life and how the mind works and how to help people during different situations or stages in life. It really is astounding how complicated how the mid is. I know you didn't come to my blog to learn about psychology, but here it is. You should see where we come from. Not all of our workings has to do with someone laying on a couch and us asking them "And how does that make you feel?" We are so much more than that. You are so much more than that. My professor gave some key definitions that I am going to have to show on the test tomorrow morning. A couple of my favorites are as follows.
Purpose - the courage to envision and pursue goals guided by conscience without being paralyzed by guild or fear of punishment.
Wisdom - an active detached concern with life in the face of death.
Despair - signified by fear of death, not being happy with what you have done in life.
How amazing is that? I mean seriuosly.

I Shall Be The Hopeful

TWLOHA has a fairly new shirt out, as shown below.

I will be the hopeful. So much stuff is going on in life that I have to be hopeful. It seems like life is falling apart, but I know I can't go back to the way things were. I can't. If I did, my life would be worse than it is now. Hopefully sometime in the future I will be able to have things the way things were, but for now, I have to be strong in my position.

September 10th was World Suicide Prevention Day. This really got me thinking. I have lost friends to suicide. I will not lose another. This is another reason why I want to go into psychology. Why I want to open my rehab center. Why I want to help others. No family, no friend, no acquaintance, no teacher, no doctor should go through that pain, seeing what happens or what comes out of that particular action.

People don't know what is really happening in my life. And I'm sort of fine with that. I'm just going through a lot of pain. A lot of decisions must be made. For one of the first times in my life, this is truly my decision. I'm not consulting my parents. I am paying for these actions. This is truly something that I must do. Not my parents. Not my friends. Not my doctors. Me. I must do this. I hate to deny this access into my life to the people I love dearly, but that is the way it must be. I will tell you along the way what I am willing to divulge.

In conclusion, my heart is still breaking. Not only for romantic reasons, but also for humanity. I cannot stand this pain, but there is worse pain than this. I just want to help those who are going through this pain.

Help me Christ to get through this season in my life. Thank you for bringing me new friends and for continually sending the old ones back. Without which I would not survive. Let me show love to the world. Help me to get through my days with the hope and joy that I have in you.

I feel like my heart is about to just fail. It has been broken and now it is facing yet another hardship. Its bad enough about life, but now that something else is wrong with me physically, I feel as if I'm going to scream again. I have to go to the doctor soon to check everything out. My heart hurts. I've been crying for four days. I want to stop. Life seems to be nothing but pain. The other day I saw this man with a tattoo on his neck. It said "Love is pain, but sometimes the cure for pain is pain itself." Little did I know that this would be applicable to my life in a few days in the future. What seems to get me through these days is the love that I am receiving from my friends, both here in jax or around the USA. I am blessed to have these people in my life. Without them I would probably go insane.

Even though my life is absolute crap at the moment, I am reminded of what Christ tells me. I am never going to have a situation that I don't have the potential to handle. I have been given a spirit of courageousness, not of timidity. I can handle this. It will just take a bit of time. As long as I keep myself busy, I think I'll be okay. I've been coping in different ways than most people. Take these past couple of days. My ways of coping is:
1) cooking large amounts of food. Those of you who have been around me lately know that the other night I cooked pork wrapped in bacon in a mango sauce, sweet potatoes with marshmallows, diced potatoes in a buttermilk cream sauce, bread sticks, salsa, queso and two different salads.
2) working out till I about drop. I'm exhausted. I lift weights and did a bit of boxing.

I'm working on this. I'm trying my best. I need to get over this. Life is testing me and I want to soar above expectations and soar on the wings of the eagles.