I feel like my heart is about to just fail. It has been broken and now it is facing yet another hardship. Its bad enough about life, but now that something else is wrong with me physically, I feel as if I'm going to scream again. I have to go to the doctor soon to check everything out. My heart hurts. I've been crying for four days. I want to stop. Life seems to be nothing but pain. The other day I saw this man with a tattoo on his neck. It said "Love is pain, but sometimes the cure for pain is pain itself." Little did I know that this would be applicable to my life in a few days in the future. What seems to get me through these days is the love that I am receiving from my friends, both here in jax or around the USA. I am blessed to have these people in my life. Without them I would probably go insane.

Even though my life is absolute crap at the moment, I am reminded of what Christ tells me. I am never going to have a situation that I don't have the potential to handle. I have been given a spirit of courageousness, not of timidity. I can handle this. It will just take a bit of time. As long as I keep myself busy, I think I'll be okay. I've been coping in different ways than most people. Take these past couple of days. My ways of coping is:
1) cooking large amounts of food. Those of you who have been around me lately know that the other night I cooked pork wrapped in bacon in a mango sauce, sweet potatoes with marshmallows, diced potatoes in a buttermilk cream sauce, bread sticks, salsa, queso and two different salads.
2) working out till I about drop. I'm exhausted. I lift weights and did a bit of boxing.

I'm working on this. I'm trying my best. I need to get over this. Life is testing me and I want to soar above expectations and soar on the wings of the eagles.